The questions your people might answer.

Slower and more honest. For people who know you well.

• What songs, smells, or random objects remind you of me?

  Which songs? Which smells? Which object made you stare at a wall for four minutes?

• What's a phrase or face that's unmistakably me?

• When have you felt most cared for by me?

• Why do you stay in my life?

• What do you think I don't give myself credit for?

• How do you actually perceive me — vs. how you think I see myself?

A bit of both. Some play, some weight. Most people start here.

• What songs, smells, or random objects remind you of me?

  Which songs? Which smells? Which object made you stare at a wall for four minutes?

• What's a phrase or face that's unmistakably me?

• What's your favorite version of me?

• When have you felt most cared for by me?

• Why do you stay in my life?

• How do you actually perceive me — vs. how you think I see myself?

• What do you think I overvalue?

Closer to a roast than a card. Bring receipts.

• What's a phrase or face that's unmistakably me?

• What's the most ridiculous hill I've died on?

• What's my most predictable move?

  The thing I do that you could call three seconds before I do it.

• What's the funniest thing I've ever said?

• If you had to roast me in one sentence, what's the line?

• What do I think I'm great at that I am, charitably, fine at?

  Be gentle. Be honest. Mostly honest.

The way-back questions. For people who knew you when.

• What songs, smells, or random objects remind you of me?

  Which songs? Which smells? Which object made you stare at a wall for four minutes?

• What's the first memory of me that comes to mind?

  Not the most important one. The first one that showed up.

• What's something about me that hasn't changed since we met?

• What's something about me that has?

• What's a moment with me you'd want to live again?

• What's a version of me you miss?

  No wrong answer here. Even the messier ones.

The honest stuff you'd only want from someone who's earned it.

• What's a phrase or face that's unmistakably me?

• What do I do that I don't seem to notice?

  The tic, the pattern, the thing everyone but me can see.

• Where do I get in my own way?

• What do you think I overvalue?

• What's something true about me that's hard to say to my face?

  Anonymous exists for exactly this. Say it kindly, say it anyway.

• How do you actually perceive me — vs. how you think I see myself?

Less about who you are, more about what you've meant.

• What's something small I did that stuck with you?

  Small on purpose. The throwaway thing I've probably forgotten.

• When have you felt most cared for by me?

• What's something you have because of me?

  A habit, a person you met, a place you'd never have gone.

• When did I show up for you in a way you didn't expect?

• What would be different in your life if we'd never met?

• What do you thank me for in your head but never out loud?

Deeper than tender. For the two or three people who get the real you.

• When you picture me, where am I and what am I doing?

• Why do you stay in my life?

• What do you worry about for me?

  The quiet kind. The thing you'd never bring up unprompted.

• When have you seen me at my lowest, and what did you think?

• What do you wish I'd let you see?

• What's true about me that I'm afraid isn't?

  Tell me the thing I'd be relieved to hear.

Forward-looking. Less 'who you are,' more 'who you're turning into.'

• What's something I'm into right now that surprises you?

• What would you bet I do next?

• What do you think I'll care about in ten years that I don't yet?

• What's a question I'm clearly still working out?

  The thing I keep circling. You've watched me circle it.

• Where do you think I'm quietly changing?

• What's a door you can see for me that I can't?

For a moment worth marking. What they actually see when they look up to you.

• What's the first word you'd use to introduce me to someone who should be impressed?

• What do I make look easy that isn't?

• What's your favorite version of me?

• What have you watched me earn?

  The thing that didn't come easy. You saw the work.

• When were you proud of me and didn't say so?

• What would the younger me not believe about who I am now?

The undramatic kind of love. The Tuesday stuff, not the big speeches.

• What's a phrase or face that's unmistakably me?

• What's a small thing I always do?

  The unremarkable ritual. The thing that's just… me.

• What's it like to be in a room with me on a normal day?

• What do you count on me for?

• How am I when nothing special is happening?

• What's a tiny thing about me you'd miss if it were gone?